There once was a Champion Female Race Horse. For many years, the Thoroughbred raced and won. One day her mate who described himself as a Plow Horse, decided things were going to change. The Plow Horse wanted to get on the race track, but instead of joining the Race Horse, he wanted to switch places. After many efforts of the Race Horse working so hard to become a Plow Horse, the creator opened the Heavens and spoke to the Race Horse. “Stop trying to be something you are not. It’s time you embrace who you are. So I will tell you. I did not create you to be a Plow Horse. I did not create you to be a Race Horse. You my Darling, are a Unicorn.”
Before I get started, I would like to explain with ALL types of people there are maturity levels and developmental stages of the person. So what starts out as rough around the edges can very well develop into a refined gem. Secondly, when you add the values of a Christian woman you are dealing with some stated characteristics that would no longer fit – so keep that in mind as you read this article.
This article has taken bits and pieces from other articles and also input from several celebrated AF so that the judgment can stop. My hope is that these beautiful Unicorns will embrace their unique qualities, and find a complimentary mate.
Here are some of the major characteristics of today’s alpha female (AF):
- She’s strong-minded. If she’s got a plan, she won’t quit until it’s the plan.
- She’ll take charge. If a volunteer is asked for, she will not only step up, but she may end up in charge.
- She’s a loner. She is not dependent on friends or family for motivation, encouragement, or camaraderie. Her energy flows from within.
- She’s not a stereotypical nurturer. She must work at this if it is a desired attribute.
- She has her eye on a prize — looking to the next project. If no goal has presented itself to her, she’ll create one.
- She’s not afraid to be direct. It may be viewed as a threat. She won’t engage in a fist fight, but she will stand firm and make it very clear that she is not to be tampered with. She has a matter of a fact attitude.
- She has lofty standards. Not only does the AF measure herself in her own achievements she is her own worst critic.
- She won’t stand for argument. She’s not going to engage herself in lengthy arguments about the principles of her ideals. She usually only speaks up or pushes when she is right. Which, by the way, is quite often.
- Personal success dominates her life. She will usually gauge her success in terms of results not intention. Bottom line results are what speak to her.
- She’s competitive. Often obsessed with being one of the best, she won’t be ashamed to admit she’ll do what it takes. A developed AF will compete against herself and not at the cost of others. She will often motivate others to do their best.
- She’s a natural leader. Others will logically look to her in times of turmoil.
- She is rarely intimidated by men or women, including other powerful women. Though the AF recognizes that she’s not male, she also sees herself as a sort of enhanced woman, rejecting the attributes that are typically considered to be feminine (sensitive, nurturing, delicate). She may appear tough or strong.
- She’s sweet when she has to be. The AF has charm, and she knows how, and when, to turn it on. The method of conquering isn’t important to her…but the resulting power is.
Why is the alpha male celebrated, but the alpha female rarely mentioned or identified? Because traditionally, the genetic personality of the alpha female has been condemned, and even punished. Though the traits listed in the above section aren’t undesirable in business, they can often hinder a gal in the relationship and mothering departments.
Because the AF harbors a fear of being lumped together with average females, she’ll usually avoid falling into traditional wife, mother, and nurturer roles.
- If the AF has already established a family, she’ll likely spend less time with her children than the average wife and mother. She will develop very independent offspring. Because of this, she may have to endure “bad mother” accusations.
- Because the underdeveloped AF is strong, but may be opinionated, and unlikely to endure compromise, men may either avoid her or withdraw from her (particularly beta males, who typically experience increased stress in the face of confrontation).
- For reasons that are probably already obvious, marriage can be difficult for the AF. If she is paired with an insecure man, it will surely not last. A noted exception makes itself known in the case of an AF marrying a developed alpha male. He’ll likely be one of the few people she’ll willingly concede to. Most compatible would be a mature alpha male who has toned down his own dominance.
- Often, many of the AF’s relationships are notably devoid of emotion. She’ll maintain ties that promote success, but will rarely form any type of relationship for the sake of love or comradeship alone. A developed AF will learn to do this from a desire for the softer attributes.
- Because the underdeveloped AF has difficulty forging strong personal bonds, she’ll likely spend much of her life feeling lonely, even if she’s surrounded with people, unless she develops better skills.
Women throughout history have learned to stifle their alpha tendencies, in favor of more traditional, and safer, roles. Women generally want to be liked; they seek approval. When an AF pursues success, it doesn’t take long for her to dissect the dichotomy that is her life: what her brain is telling her to do may severely contradict what human tradition dictates.
Identifying the Legendary Creature in a Social Setting
You’re at a party. It might be instinctively obvious to you who the AF is, but if not, there are some surefire ways to identify her:
- She’ll reach out and touch someone (or everyone), without permission, and without reserve.
- It will seem that her mother never taught her that it’s impolite to stare. She’s not shy about a long look at anyone, for any reason.
- Eye contact is one of her power points. She won’t lose a stare down contest.
- Interruption is common. If she’s got something to say, she will ensure that it makes its way into the current conversation, no matter how irrelevant.
- When she stops in the middle of speaking for dramatic effect, she’s creating verbal cliffhangers that will keep her audience hanging on for dear life.
- The alpha female’s opinion matters to the group. Whether a joke is told or a new idea is pitched, everyone in the group will usually look to the alpha female for her reaction before they display their own.
- When with other females, the AF will generally walk into a room first. This marks her as the leader.
- If she’s hungry, she’ll eat. If she’s thirsty, she’ll drink. Unless she’s been taught different manners, she will not feel compelled to wait for others to start eating.
- She’ll stand or sit tall. She rarely slouches.
- She won’t fidget, dart her eyes, chew her fingernails, breathe shallowly, or jump when someone taps her on the shoulder. Her breathing will come from low in her torso; it will be barely detectable.
- She’ll ask lots of questions of others, but divulging little about herself.
- Like an extra in a breath mint commercial, she’ll move in for the close talk. She’s not trying to kiss, she’s simply taking her slice of space from others, because she deserves it.
The AF generally gets lots of attention. That’s part of her power…her power of attraction, her power for steering the conversation, and her power for convincing everyone else what she already knows: that she’s right.
Teaching Beta Females to Use Power Tools
The majority of women are content being beta (those lower in the pecking order than the alpha), but there are some of you who either have an alpha female hiding out inside of you, or are simply longing to take the leap…to span the genetic gap that separates betas from alphas. Practicing the following nonverbal skills can help you to span that beta/alpha chasm:
- Smile. It’s remarkable what power a smile can bring to you. When you smile at another person, their own mirror neurons make it nearly impossible for them not to smile, the act of which opens their minds to what you have to say, turning the power over to you.
- Work to become comfortable in your skin. Practice power poses, like standing tall with your hands on your hips and sitting with your legs in a figure-four position (please, not while wearing a skirt). Don’t slouch, and don’t hunch your shoulders. If you look confident, you’ll feel confident.
- Don’t be afraid to use eye contact. It equates to dominance, but is also valued as a terrific communicatory skill.
- Speak slowly. Taking your time and utilizing pauses within your speech gives the impression that you aren’t fearful of anyone interrupting you. It also grasps attention and communicates power.
- Move deliberately. Know where you’re going and go there with resolve. Avoid unnecessary movements and speed, which can make you seem less confident and a bit flaky.
- Don’t confuse an alpha female attitude with a bitchy attitude. Shouting orders and purposely degrading others are not clever power tools.
- Confidence does not equate to arrogance. Announcing your skill does not make you an alpha female. Proving your skill will. As Margaret Thatcher so eloquently put it, “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”
- Allow your fun side to show through. Know that an attractive personality will enlarge the circle of “followers” surrounding you.
- Be graceful in situations that require grace, but also engage yourself doing some masculine things in your down time. Watch football, go fishing, tear apart a two-cycle engine just for fun…if you truly aspire to be a stronger personality, you’ll find yourself sharing airspace with a large number of men. A true alpha female is well-rounded, and can easily fall into conversation about most any subject.
- Don’t confuse the alpha female with Superwoman. Superwoman will darn the socks, scrub the toilet, schedule the haircuts, and negotiate the settlement. The alpha female will negotiate a bigger settlement and hire someone to take care of the rest.
- Allow yourself the luxury of existing above the stereotypes that have bound alpha females for much of history. Don’t apologize for your choices; the alpha female never apologizes.
So get out there, ladies. Don’t be afraid to use your newly acquired power tools to get want you want; whether that’s the “Yes,” the job, the sale, or the man.
Celebrating a Unicorn among Mares
For centuries, the concept of alpha female has been considered an enigma…has even been used interchangeably with insults, leaving the alpha female to fend for herself in the arenas of friendship and love. But times are changing. Now we see women like Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, and Sarah Palin not only surviving the condition that was once considered to be a curse, but excelling in gaining the support of other women.